I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
