Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
