You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
