you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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