I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
