i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize