It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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