goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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