why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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