if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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