i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
