my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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