i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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