We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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