Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
