the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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