Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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