I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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