sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
