i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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