would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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