My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
