my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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