oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.