You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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