hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
