Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
