I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
