Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
