Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The ass gains better be worth it
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