a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
