She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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