Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
