I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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