Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
