You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
