You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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