Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
