if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
