He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
