My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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