Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
