it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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