people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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