Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize