i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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