im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
