You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??