I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.