Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!