she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
