please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
