hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
