If i come over, it means nothing
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
