The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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