Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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