He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am one with the molecules
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She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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