The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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