my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
