Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
