After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
