She said her name was "party"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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