I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
