: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
