Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
