tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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