If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
