my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
