Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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