i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
