oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
